Unwell

I got no work tonight so I am supposed to be in bed, enjoying more good night's sleep but here I am wide awake and still on the net despite my almost sored eyes. I continue to have this self-discipline issues. I know what I have and what I need to do but I'm not doing them. I am way too passive again. I think about a lot of different things instead of just letting things to happen as they do I sort of think ahead and I'm thinking ahead too much. Other than that, I'm having so many bad habits that I just can't stop doing causing me to worry about my health. I feel just next to killing myself now with all these bad habits I continue to be doing. And here goes my finances. I only have like three hundred bucks in my wallet and I still have two weeks before the next pay day. I am supposed to be so worried but I don't know why I'm not. I mean, I do think about where I'd get money so that I can go to work but I have to like force myself to worry before I do. You said passive? Yeah, definitely.. I'm not even sure if that's still the right term for that. If there's a worst term of being passive then that's it. I just don't know what to think and do anymore. Too tired to do anything or should I say, too lazy to do anything. I'm not motivated to do the things that I know I must and I should do yet I do the things that I must not and should not do.

I'm so afraid of myself for myself. I am so unwell physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'm not even sure when was the last time that I've gone to church. Another thing I know I have to do but not doing. If I am to make a list of these things, it'd be a pretty long list.

slg