Why Do People Get Married or Want To Get Married?

Photo grabbed from: www.sandtonshul.co.za

Although in today's world and generation society places lesser and lesser value to marriage, people still do it or want to do it.  Well, I did want it and wish for it when I was single and I still know quite a number of people planning and wanting to do it.  Why is this so?  There are many possible answers to this question.  Personally, here's what I have to say:

Marriage gives people a sense of emotional stability.  Though there are some who say it's just a paper yet I'd beg to disagree.  Yes it's a paper but it is a very important paper.  This paper means a lifetime commitment (though unfortunately not all couples stick to this commitment).  When you are in a couple but not yet married there are these possibilities of not taking some things or decisions too seriously because well, there's no great impact really, due to the lack of marriage.  If the decision leads to a break up well then that's it.  You may suffer from heartaches and sleepless nights but that's the most you could worry about.  Whereas, if you're married you'd think twice and be more careful with each decisions you make because breaking up doesn't just mean heartaches, sleepless nights, packing your things and moving out, it can mean a very long, traumatic, and strenuous divorce or annulment process.  I have never been this emotionally stable until I got married but this is entirely dependent on the person you choose to marry, so be careful!  You choose the wrong person and the last thing you'll have will be emotional stability.

Marriage gives people a structure in creating a family.  When you marry the person you choose to be with for the rest of your life then most likely you also plan of procreating, extending  your bloodline and contributing to our growing society.  This might not be true to each married couple but a large number of married couples would agree to this, I suppose.  Yes you may still have a family even without marriage but this still remains  one of the norms of the society.  It is still better to "start right".  It may sound a bit too righteous but isn't this how you'd wish your children to start their future families?  But of course this is just an option, everyone can start making their families the way they want.

Marriage gives people security.  When you finally said yes to each other, this is the yes for a lifetime together.  So you just got the assurance of having someone with you through it all if both of you will be true to your vows.  The road can be rough and some nights can be long but alas!  You will have someone with you! This is the kind of security I'm talking about.

Marriage makes you happy.  As long as you choose the right person then you'll be left with no choice but to agree with me.  One night, on our random conversation before falling asleep, I asked my husband what his idea is about why people get married and he answered "to be happy".  It didn't take him even a second to give me an answer and he elaborated saying he has never been really happy until he found and married me.  I couldn't agree more because I definitely share the same happiness.  Perhaps my husband's answer is a little too general but this is how I'd make it specific:  it is the kind of happiness you feel when you wake up beside each other everyday or the way you just can't get your mind off each other when you are apart; the kind of happiness you feel when you take care of each other even after a heated argument; the kind of happiness you feel when you forgive each other; the kind of happiness you feel when you cuddle after making love and the kind of happiness you feel when you look at the future together.

So, you are thinking of finally tying the knot?  If you think you have found THE ONE then by all means, go ahead!  There is nothing to be afraid of when you really love each other because as one french woman told us "avec l'amour tout va" meaning: with love everything is gonna be alright.

WHY I WROTE WHAT I WROTE (ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ғɪʟɪᴘɪɴᴏ-ғʀᴇɴᴄʜ ᴡᴇᴅᴅɪɴɢ)

image grabbed from sodahead.com

When I started this blog it was just really to free myself from boredom.  I remember I was actually trying to figure my life out and I was lonely.  I love writing, I wanna do it when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm lonely, when I'm upset or even when I'm confused (and because of that I don't always post what I write).  While I love sharing my ideas I also don't want people to read five paragraphs of ranting especially when the reason is kind of personal.  I don't post a lot in this blog but I love blogging.  Sometimes I just browse through my blog and enjoy what I've written.  If you read my blog title and description it's actually quite "general", it's just about sharing my thoughts, experiences and all.  However, when I started posting my experiences about my interracial wedding process this blog became a sort of "reference" to some couples going through the same thing.  I've been receiving some comments or questions every now and then which I gladly answer.

I'm gonna have to take you back to when my husband and I decided to tie the knots.  Normally, getting married isn't a very complicated process unless your case is a little out-of-the-ordinary.  I say out-of-the-ordinary for us due to our different nationalities.  We were scouting for information because there was no one to ask.  We didn't have any idea about the legal procedures in getting married, none of us have done it before and he's French while I'm a Filipino so non of our family or friends would know how we'd go about it.  The only thing we knew that time was that we were determined to SAY YES to forever, if you think about it that's the most important thing, of course!  But the road to saying yes wasn't that easy to find.  We both did some research, I asked around some married friends how they did it because even if none of them had married a French husband I was sure that there must be something "generic" about getting married, some common things to do in getting married in the Philippines whether both of you are Filipinos or not.  My husband on the other hand spent a lot of time searching for some information on the internet, making some phone calls, asking questions, sending emails, contacting his embassy etc...  Then he found some very interesting blogs describing the process while I also found some discussion boards talking about the same things.  After all the time consuming (yet worth every second) process, we were able to say our YESes and I thought to myself, it's actually a good idea to write down all the things that we did because one day when we get the chance the read them then we can say "oh wow!  We did all that?".  And besides, my writing about our experience might actually help other people too like those blogs we've read did to us.

So I did it and true enough, few months later I've received some comments and questions about what I've written.  I know how it feels like to be in the clouds and just not to know how to go about certain legal procedures so I actually have the sympathy to these people asking me questions.  However, at one point something bothered me and when I shared it to my husband he shares the same sentiments and his reaction was even stronger than mine.  I have received some questions from some women asking me for some clarifications about the information that I have written because they want to marry their French boyfriend who they will meet for the first time.  At first I was hesitant to answer their questions because I was thinking "how can you decide to marry someone you haven't really been with yet, physically?" but then I said, that's their problem right there because when I was scouting for information the last thing I wanted was for someone to question my intentions and my decisions.  But to be clear on the matter, my husband and I didn't get married the first nor the second time we actually met each other.  This might not be really important to some people, you know, getting married the first time you are actually with the person but it is important for us.  Well, we all have our stories and our circumstances, the most important thing is that we are happy with our decisions because in the end it's us who live our lives not the spectators around us.

Now, I'm just glad I can help and I pray that these people (mostly women) who ask me for some information about the wedding process (between a Filipino and a French national) are actually marrying for the right reasons because France is a very far place to end up with the wrong person and it's not easy to be struggling marital issues when you don't have family and friends to run to.  Thankfully I have been very lucky and blessed with the man I have married but I have also met some foreign women here who come from far away places too and who haven't been as lucky and to be honest they are in a pretty nasty situation especially those who have a hard time in speaking the French language.  So, ask away if you have some questions and I'd still be glad to answer them if it is of my knowledge but before you plan on saying yes to someone try to know the person as much as possible and if you have a doubt then take that doubt seriously because you should know the depth of the water before you take the plunge.  I hate the idea of being one of the factors (even the smallest factor) on how you got into a possible unwanted situation.