...Was Once Unhappy TOO...

Not so long ago I kept on writing blog posts about loneliness, distress, being lost, hopelessness and all other sorts of "sad emotions". All those times I've been surrounded by my super loving and caring family and "very few" good and true friends. Had it not been because of their support I don't think I'd be better and of course my faith too. Though I know that my faith had been shaken really bad few years back, luckily it still saved me. This faith won't be back without the help of so many good people I have and I've met in my life and without a little touch of "miracle", silly as it may sound to many people but it's true. Years of experience and not stopping to analyze how "my life works" do help too.

Now, yes I'm happy and I'm treasuring every moment of it. We can't really tell what happens in the future and I always pray for strength to face whatever that would be. Having said that, I can say that sometimes I do worry about certain things but what does worrying do? Nothing really. Life is and will never be perfect and I'm not wishing it to be perfect either. All I want is more strength everyday to be able to face the trials that are yet to come.

For now I am very thankful to all of my loved ones, my family: Mama Shirley, Papa Edwin, to all my siblings, to Lorin with Fabby, to my Fabrice and to all my other friends who never got tired of listening to my woes. I thank you all for the support, love and care you give me everyday. I could not ask for more!!! I hope and pray that no matter what happens in the future, no matter how many trials we have to face we will still be together.

To all my friends who are NOT happy or who felt lost or who are afraid of the "unknown" just hang on...and have faith...we all have our stories to tell, we all have our share of life's misfortunes and life's nature of being "unfair". I'm not in my "death-bed" for me to sound like I've already known the whole story of my life. I know there's a LOT to come, I just pray that I'd still be whole in the end. Important thing is that I'm happy NOW and I'm appreciating every second of it but I am not forgetting the fact that I was once very unhappy and I thought it was impossible to be this happy again.

C'est la vie!!!

Nanay's Birthday

Today Nanay Olid is supposed to have turned ninety-three years old had she never left five months ago. Yes it's been five months but it still seems like yesterday. I constantly dream of her which means I still have not let her go.

I miss all the coversations which always turned funny when Nanay would say words that none of us at home would understand though we knew what she meant. I miss teasing her. I miss seeing my younger brother teasing her even more and I miss the even funnier conversations she had with Papa. I miss buying her mangoes and telling her that the "orange juice" on the table is her favorite "tubà" (coconut wine) just so that she would eat. I just terribly miss her...

 

Unwell

I got no work tonight so I am supposed to be in bed, enjoying more good night's sleep but here I am wide awake and still on the net despite my almost sored eyes. I continue to have this self-discipline issues. I know what I have and what I need to do but I'm not doing them. I am way too passive again. I think about a lot of different things instead of just letting things to happen as they do I sort of think ahead and I'm thinking ahead too much. Other than that, I'm having so many bad habits that I just can't stop doing causing me to worry about my health. I feel just next to killing myself now with all these bad habits I continue to be doing. And here goes my finances. I only have like three hundred bucks in my wallet and I still have two weeks before the next pay day. I am supposed to be so worried but I don't know why I'm not. I mean, I do think about where I'd get money so that I can go to work but I have to like force myself to worry before I do. You said passive? Yeah, definitely.. I'm not even sure if that's still the right term for that. If there's a worst term of being passive then that's it. I just don't know what to think and do anymore. Too tired to do anything or should I say, too lazy to do anything. I'm not motivated to do the things that I know I must and I should do yet I do the things that I must not and should not do.

I'm so afraid of myself for myself. I am so unwell physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'm not even sure when was the last time that I've gone to church. Another thing I know I have to do but not doing. If I am to make a list of these things, it'd be a pretty long list.

slg