I'ᴍ ᴀ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇʀ

Religion is undoubtedly one of the most controversial topics to talk about among many others.  I grew up in a very catholic family but as early as my childhood I was already exposed to different types of "believers" in our household.  I remember seeing my grandparents kneeling in front of the altar praying night after night but my grandfather despised priests and the fact of confession because for him they are just ordinary men in robes.  Then here's the rest of the family who goes to church on birthdays or even ordinary Sundays despite the fact that we had to walk a very long way to reach the nearest church.  It could consume almost the entire day if you walk on regular pace, it is that far but for faith we did it. 

My father had a motorcycle accident in 1992, I was just seven years old back then and that event made us cling on to our faith even more.  I remember praying the rosary every six o'clock in the evening with my younger brother praying for Papa's recovery.  I also remember participating in a "dawn rosary" and literally it's done at dawn.  We had to pass around the statue of the Virgin Mary from one house to another.  I grew up in a countryside where houses are not very close so it means walking a long way together with some neighbors everytime we do it.  I was just a girl and I was with a group of some adults who have really strong faiths.

Then I was sent to a catholic school in the city for high school which made me read the bible every-so-often.  It helped me a lot to stay focused and fearful.  I thought all these years that my faith was very strong.  God knows how many spiritual gatherings I participated with.  It's okay, as a young adult it helped me to be fearful and to try to do good.

In college I still kept my religious practices, going to church with some friends, attending early massess for Christmas and such and I continued to believe that my faith was very intact.  However, as I was growing up I learned little by little that it was weak and I saw and hear the news about controversies involving the church and it made me feel so bad.  I kind of slowed down then.  I didn't stop believing in God but started doubting about some things.  During debates I often stand on points against the church with regard to issues like merci killing or death penalties and the likes.  I realized I was not the believer that I was.

As years passed there were events in my life which had really shaken my faith to the extent that I stopped going to church or praying.  It continued for a year or two but it didn't help me either.  At the end of the day I would still prefer believing in God than not believing in something at all.  I'm not a fanatic, I am more like my grand father now but I really am a believer.  I don't want to argue about religion and let someone have the same belief like mine.  We all have our own choices and whatever makes us happy, contented and comfortable then we should go for it.  I am comfortable knowing that I have a God.  It makes me feel safe and secured!  We shouldn't be judged by our belief anyway.